Small commitments, big commitments

As my former girlfriends can testify, commitments can be tough for me.

Today, I booked my plane ticket to Hawaii, and it took some effort, because it was a commitment. It's a "locking in." I don't like being locked in. I've always been more comfortable with broad potential over actual execution.

This thing with the ticket, I realize it's completely irrational. I've known I'm going to Hawaii: I've completed my application, paid for my physical, asked time off work, and put money down on a bungalow in which to live.

Somehow, actually booking the ticket was difficult, and I've resisted it for weeks. It was only the threat of rising prices as the date gets closer that motivated me to get it done.

The thing about commitments is this: They raise fears. Once you're locked in, you start asking yourself bad questions. What if I get there and XYZ goes wrong? What if I can't ABC?? I'll be trapped in horrible circumstances with no way out!! It's kind of like physical claustrophobia on a stretched out time scale.

Of course it makes no sense. As my mother taught me, and perhaps yours did too, there is nothing life gives you that you absolutely can't handle. We all find a way. One of my former girlfriends put it to me this way: "You just have to keep jumping off cliffs, and build your wings on the way down." I always remembered that.

So I have a ticket, and I'm going to Hawaii, where all sorts of disasters could happen. And...uh oh, I still have to book a rental car.